Leaving the nest

From young, I've heard of the phrase "survival of the fittest". Anyone who can adapt in any situations given would be survival. I'm about to embark on my study trip to UK and I have been thinking. There are people who get homesick while others adapt and live happily in a new surroundings. I have always been told by my parents that I could adapt anywhere I go and I would not be problem. That sounded great when I was young but as time goes by it seems to be a burden more than a gift.

Back when I was 19, I was aspiring to study in Japan and start a new life there but was stopped by my parents and having to stay here as they dun want to separate with me. It sounded ridiculous back then and it still hurts till now. A great opportunity wasted but maybe it wasn't in my fate to have that chance. I still regret over this but there was nothing I could do about it.

Now, my uni allows me to study in UK but for a short duration of 4 months. My parents agreed to it cause I have to return to finish my degree. Some how in my view they are still a little selfish. Was it my natural ability to adapt and never return the main reason they wanna waste my chances to success ? I guess I just have to be a good boy. I can't hate them but I do have regrets. Nevertheless.

I always thought that I would be strong away from my family in a foreign land and never get homesick. I'm still very convinced I can do that but now I do feel a little heavy footed to leave. I know I will be back soon but still I can't help to miss my friends, members and my Celica. It just feel different when it is really happening. I will think of everything back here when I'm at UK. Maybe it is because of all the memories and bonds that I have made. Finally, I have something to look forward to see when I come back.

Been Thinking

I've have been focusing more on my new blog and have not really posted any heavy stuff here. I never had much reader and I dun think there are still anyone reading this. However, it is my space to let out some of my feelings. I wonder anyone still reads this or not.

Many things make someone thinks deeply about his or her lives. Many thinks when they have to much free time doing nothing. Meanwhile, I have moments like that when its around midnight and I happen to hear some old emo songs. Don't get me wrong. I dun go think about emo stuffs like the end of the world but it does get me thinking about what has been happening in my life.

Tonight this is induced thanks to Pong Nan's (蓝奕邦) old song. It has been a while since I last thought about my life. So now I am currently single and heading to UK for studies in 9 days. I have never spent this much my hard earn money in my life on my newest precious, my Celica. My grandpa whom I didn't know much just passed away but I do miss him. I am under a curfew away from my friends and entertainments.

If there would be a time to reflect on my life, this would be a perfect time. Ever since puberty, I have questioned my direction in life. Often like many others, I have felt like a puppet to my parents and until now I still questioned my choice in life. Whether it is studies, lifestyle or girls. I do appear to be matured and calm in most situations but I became this way after many wrong roads taken and my experiences to a point where my best friend said I'm a robot.

Studies
When it came to studies, I have always pushed myself to succeed during my primary school years to gain rewards and to make my parents happy. As I grew older in my secondary school, I started to get average scores just to relax as I no longer see any point in it. Now in my tertiary studies, I like many others struggled in choosing my field. At the end I had no choice but to follow my dad's advice to pick up my role as the eldest of my siblings. However, I'm faced with many regrets.

Lifestyle
I have always been a careful guy when it came to money. I've been saving since young and hardly use much money on a daily basis. I control my eating, I dun drink, I dun smoke. Once in a while I would ask myself why couldn't I just enjoy my youth more ? At least now I finally found something I love and would spend on it; my Celica. I also dun have much friends. So, I always at home alone and my social life is in the drains.

Love
I started dating in Secondary School and it has never been easy nor fruitful. In and out would be a good description of my love life so far. I just broken up for half a year. Everyone says it had to be done but it is just another failure in my record. I could never feel that I would be a good lover if not why I keep failing. Somehow every cell in my body yearns for someone but I couldn't find one. Maybe I'm doomed from the beginning.

In the end I dun feel like I'm going anywhere but I did make the journey and I've grown a lot. Still it may prove to be insufficient. Maybe I'm too hard on myself or maybe I'm just no good. I worry for my future. Like many great people has said,"Power and wealth means nothing when you are not happy and have no one to shared with.". What really lies ahead of me ? Only time could tell.

Busy Busy

After the incident surrounding my grandfather, I've continued my life. It was filled with 2 months of working for my dad to gain exposure and most importantly fundings for my project for my car. Now I'm half free. The term half is applied due to my curfew following the funeral which restrict me from having any fun.

I made use of this remaining 3 weeks to prepare for my leave to UK for my studies. Well, not all that time is for UK. I did used sometime to spend with my car before I leave. Soon, it'll just be me, my car and UK stuffs. Then, I will have 1 week for my farewell with my friends. Just gotta make everything fit into these 3 weeks and it will be time for my UK adventures.

Big Collaboration

Last Friday was another regular TT with the guys from Celica Club Malaysia and as usual there would be a convoy. Just before the convoy began, they decided that later that night, there would be a drag session. As my car is still in the workshop, I went there in my friend's manual Celica and I had to sit in the rear as he brought his brother in law.

I wanted to try sitting in the rear seats for once to feel the comfort of the seat as many have complained about my rear seats being too hard. My friend's ride is more towards the soft side and it was comfortable as long as I don't try to look to the back. Soon we head to an unknown place that has a very wide, long and new road. Perfect for drag use and we were joined by a small R35 gang and some mixture of 2 Honda Civic Type R Euro (one Mugen), 1 Subaru Impreza Version 9 and 1 Mitsubishi Evo 5.

This time, only the big and powerful car including the one Turbo Celica and NOS Celica dragged. It was a rare sight especially a Top Secret R35. After that, I experienced another new feeling. My members have always told me the vast difference in power between an auto and a manual Celica but I didn't mind that much.

That night, I experienced the full power of a Celica as my friend keeps revving his car and accelerate like there is no tomorrow. I have never felt that much torque from a Celica and I was just mesmerized. All he needs is a stiffer suspension and my neck hurts a lot from the jerking and rear seats. I really fell in love with the manual and its power. Too cool.

Sabah Trip

I was in Sabah during the past weekend and it was my first time there. Normally people would head to the beaches of Sabah and enjoy some sea activities but my trip there with my family is more of a relaxing nature. First place I visited was the mountains. I didn't climb the mountain but i reached some distance up similarly to Gohtong Jaya of Genting Highlands.

I stayed in a 4 star motel on the mountain. It was so cold that there is no air conditioner needed but surrounded with quite a view. On the mountain I went to a natural hot spring site and climbed the tall canopy bridges available there. The water was great and the view of the mountain and its trees were amazing. I even went to see the Rafflesia flower.

After the mountain, while on the way to the city hotel, I went to a Orang Asli village to see what is it like to be one of them in the olden days. I saw the different houses of different tribes of the natives and took part in some activities. I think the photo speaks for itself. The rest of the day were just relaxing stay at the hotel where I slept a lot all the time. Enjoy.

Busy

First week after my exams, I went out every night trying to reconnect with people around me. On the second week, I spent my time with cars. I serviced my car on Monday, serviced my bro's car and talk to my mechanic about my new car project on Tuesday and serviced my first car and left my car for the project. It really was non-stop busying with many things.

Tomorrow I will be on a flight to Sabah for vacation. Really have no expectation of what I will see there but time for rest and relax I guess. I will be gone for 4 days and 3 nights and I don't think anyone will be looking for me but I had to miss the TT with my Celica buddies tomorrow night. There will be more TT, so I'm not too sad.

At least there is one good news though. It was said that my results would be out in July but I received mail that says I'm accepted for the exchange. It is surprising to get that this early as it is only the beginning of June.

Exams Over

After a long month of gruesome studying for exams, it has finally come and gone and I welcome the arrival of 4 months long of summer holiday with open arms. No more staying home all day to study or eating minimal just to survive or studying till 3 a.m. or only sleeping for 8 hours instead of as long as I want. I'm finally free to enjoy myself for 2 months until July where my results would be announced.

When my results would be released, I would have information whether did I make the minimum to go to UK and whether do I need to go back in August for re-sit but until then, I will work hard to earn money to finance my current car modification project and increase my savings. So, as usual, I won't think about it until that day comes. I'm just gonna focus on enjoying my holidays.

Since I finished my exams on Tuesday, I watched movie on Tuesday evening, went to Sunway to see cars and Mid Valley for arcade gaming then farewell gathering with my Uni mates on Wednesday, had dinner plus mahjong with high school friends to welcome back a friend from USA and tonight I will be meeting with Celica Club for a TT session. Tomorrow night I will attend a friend's birthday celebration.

I have already lined up activities to celebrate the end of my exams. The only problem is my finance as plans for a week long is drying my wallet. However, I do enjoy myself. So what the hell. So, to all my Uni mates, Happy Summer Holidays and see you when I see you again as some will be going to work in US and some will exchange to other campuses. Peace out !!!

Great Experience

Ever since I graduated from a Japanese Language School and deciding to go to business school, I had been wondering what was I gonna do with my knowledge of Japanese. I thought about it and decided that teaching would be the answer. I have always wanted to teach and spread the knowledge of Japanese while earning some cash and do some easy job.

I had my fair experience of teaching privately one on one and wanted more. I always wanted to use it for something in my uni. Last year in my Year 1 of my degree program, a new Japanese club was established and the next chapter in my teaching career presented itself. The club was interested to start Japanese classes and I volunteered myself for the tutor position.

After many meetings, the classes started and I began teaching around 45 students in a class and had a shock. It was hard to handle a class that big but the training I had from teaching privately and my knowledge on Japanese got me through it. However as many students were part of other clubs and there were many events, students stop coming to the classes.

Last night was the last class after teaching for 4 months and I had 4 students. I had smaller class before but overall I was thankful for the tutor position and I enjoyed myself. I gained some new experience and met new people. Next semester I might be exchanging to UK and could not teach. Maybe when I return I could teach again. It is too bad I did not have photos of my classes but I hope to see them again. 

TT with CCM

Ever since I got my recent car the Toyota Celica (access to the blog, Toyota Life), I joined the online Celica Club Malaysia (CCM) and the club has Teh Tarik (TT) sessions and occasional Convoys to various places. Usually it is all talks about our beloved Celica. I have always wanted to join them for outings but I only had the chance recently.

Last Saturday (2nd April), I went out with 7 other Celica owners. The activities were a TT and Convoy to Putrajaya for a short photo shoot. I particularly enjoyed the ride to Putrajaya. I also enjoyed talking to the other owners for their experiences on Celica especially since 2 of them had the brake update that I wanted to do but lack of funds. However, with their experiences, I am more sure that I want the brakes.

I really enjoyed myself and look forward to the next outing. They told me about a TT + Convoy to Bukit Tinggi. If I do go, it would be my first hill road. Hehe.

Bunkasai

After weeks of preparation, finally the Bunkasai came and went away. It was very tiring handling both my responsiblities as performance manager and butler for the Maid and Butler Cafe, Daten Cafe. I was there from 7.30 a.m. to 6 p.m. moving around and standing. I end up sweating a lot and my tight shoes caused my leg to be swollen. Overall it was tiring but fun at the same time. I met with a lot of new co-workers and happy with the result. Although there are many rooms for improvement but as this was a first time it was not bad.

Here's some photo from the event .....

New Blog

This blog was my place to discuss issues regarding my life and to express some of my emotions.
However, I soon lost the interest to find topics to discuss and having someone new in my life I could confine to her. As the old saying goes, all good things must come to an end. So, I will come here once in a while just to let out some of my negative energy.

Along the way I've turned my passion for cars into something else. I have seen many people who have blogs dedicated to their rides and discuss about it. Then it hit me. I should do the same too. Tell the world or at least record my history with cars and also discuss what's latest in the car industry. So, I started a new blog. toyotaforme.blogspot.com. That's where my new beginning starts.

Visit my new blog if you are interested. For those, who have no interest in cars, I'll understand. I won't judge you if you don't pay a visit. The link is available at the right corner under "My Blog List". Just click it and you'll be there. Thanks.

やらなきゃ

今、やるべき事は大切な物事に集中するだけだ。その物事は：
１）勉強：俺はイギリスに転校したい。だから、１年間の学平均点を５５点以上取らなきゃ。
２）サークル：日本クラブが３月に文化祭を行う。色々な準備をしなきゃ。
３）付き合い：しばらく独身生活を楽しむ。日本とイギリスへ行きたいから、彼女なんかいらない。

だから、集中しなきゃ。ゲーリー、頑張ろう！！

寂しい

今の生活はつまらないんだ。しかし、それよりも中身が空いてると感じる。
何をする気もなかなか出ないんだ。どうすれば良いのか？俺はよく自分を
聞いた。

実は今の俺はロボット見たいんだ。自分が好きな事が出来なくって、嫌いな
事をやってるばかりだ。特に音楽だ。この前に、自分が初めての歌う
パフォーマンスのビデオを見たばかりだ。あの時の俺は今もう失った。


前のピアノの先生が言ってた。俺は才能があるんだって。だから、諦めないで。
しかし、今の俺はもうほとんどピアノが弾けなくなった。これは本当に残念だ。
自分の事で怒ってる。家族と父の会社のため、自分のお好みと趣味と才能を
全部捨てた。もう自分を失った俺は何の方向もない。何故他人を喜ばせて、
自分を犠牲にするか？大人になるのは難しいんだ。何故子供みたい悩みなど
なくて、生活を過ごせるか？誰か教えてくれる？

突然

俺は久しぶりにここに寄って来た。突然に何かを書いたいんだけだ。
彼女と別れた影響かな？あれは１ヶ月前の事だった。あれからずっと寂しいんだ。
こういう時に彼女の事をよく考えて、悲しいんだ。

彼女にとって俺は冷たくて、酷い奴だ。しかし、彼女は俺の痛みが見えないんだ。
別れてから、俺は全然嬉しくない。そして、生活もだんだんつまらなくなる。学校で
彼女に会っても無視されてる。

一緒にいた時の１年間の思い出は決して忘れないけど、思い出したくない。何故なら、
自分の失敗しか見えない。俺も彼女とずっと一緒にいたいけど、今は無理だ。
「早く彼女を忘れた方が良い」ってよく言われてる。その気持ちは分かってるけど、
そう簡単に忘れるもんか？　

今は彼女と友達になって欲しいんだけだ。お願いだ。許してくれ。これは君の幸せ
のためだ。