Tired of it

Every one who knows me well knows that I'm a person who likes to save money.
They always tell me why are you saving up when you have nothing you wanna buy or why you wanna save up for ? It's not like you have no money. Yes. I get all that answer.
Well I don't think it's such a bad thing trying to save money.
After all, our mums always tell us to save up for a rainy day.

Today is a holiday for Deepavali. I went out to watch High School Musical 3 with Xue Ying. Today I spent my friend to lunch and bought a snack.
Usually I would go dutch with my friends and would never ever buy anything unless it's my 3 main meals. I guess there's a holiday in everything. Even my saving habit.
I didn't care about money in anyway like I usually do. Felt free and relax.
It's good to use money once in a while I guess.

Youtube

hey guys remember I said I will post my performance video on youtube right ?
sorry it took so long but it's finally there.
You guys can go to www.youtube.com and search for apologize - gary and the band.
Thanks

どういう意味なのか？

昨夜から僕が君と通信した。僕たちは午前２時まで通信したのは本当に珍しくて、懐かしかった。
その気持ち本当に説明できない。今朝学校へ通っている途中まで通信したが急に君のメールをもらわなかった。当時僕は本当に君からのメールを期待していたが君は他のもっと大切なことをしているはずだと思った。
授業の時にも君のメールを考えていた。いったい何故いつも君のメールを待っていたり、期待したりするのか？いったい何を考えているのかゲーリー？何故いつも関係のないことに集中するの？
実は僕も分からない。僕も答えを探したい。誰か僕に教えられるのか？

ケリー。何故君の言葉が僕の気に入るの？いったい何故最近君に関係があるの思い出が急に浮かんだの？
本当に悩んでいる。

ありがとう

最近いつもFriendsterで君の写真を見る。なんとなく懐かしく感じる。先週の木曜に僕が病気になった。
その苦しいときに僕はなんとなく僕と君の過去を思い出した。僕ははっきり覚えられる。
そのとき僕も病気になった。そのとき君の愛護で僕の病気がよくなった。
今回の病気は自分で休むのは本当に寂しかった。先日僕のFriendsterのプロフィールページを見た人のリストから君の写真を見た。だから、君にメッセージを送った。君の返事を待っていたが君がまだ僕を許さないと思うから、返事しないはずだ。驚いたことに、返事した。僕は本当に感謝する。実は僕は本当に君とまだ友達となって欲しい。ケリー本当にありがとう。

分からない問い

昨日、僕は友達と出かけた時に彼女が僕に一つ問いを聞いた。
その問いは「どうしてあなたはゼンギーをそんなに愛したの？」
彼女に聞かれていた瞬間に僕が短い間に僕の答えを探した。でも、見付からなかった。
だから、昨夜から、寝ながら、その問いを思い込んで、考えた。なぜか僕の頭の中に答えがないのか？
僕もう彼女のことを忘れちゃったからなのか？最初から僕は彼女のことがあまり知らなかったからなのか？
でも、もしその答えを今に知っても無駄だよね？僕が僕の生活があるし、彼女も彼女の生活がある。
彼女にとっては僕もうただの友達になったから、今にもそんなに大切じゃない。

Definition

People out there always have some kind of image of me when they see me.
I make all kinds of impression on others. For example, arrogant or cold blooded and many more. To me it's not really a big deal for me. You don't know me but yet you gives comment about me. I'm not saying you you can't say what you want.
It's just when it gets personal please get your facts right.

My main topic here is about one of worst impression of me. That's me being happy.
Being happy have many definitions. It could be money, fame, assets or many things.
I don't feel happy at all. I'm not trying to vent online like most people do in their blog. I just wanna say please stand in my shoes for once and then only say what you wanna say about me. I do have my own problem even when surrounding with all the great stuff. You don't see me accusing you of having a real good life compare to me.

We all have our own problems in our daily life. Each and everyone of us is different in our own way.

ps. I'm really not happy currently.

Gathering

Last week while I was playing basketball with xue ying I told her about the new pizza that Domino's have. Then I realised there's been a long time I've never organised a pizza gathering at my house. So I had a gathering last night.
The people who came are the usuals with a little new members.
As usual we had a blast. I had fun remembering about the past.
Never thought we could still have times like this after years graduating from high school. For those who wasn't invited I'm sorry to say but its too bad for you guys.

Promise

When I was young I lied alot and promise people with all kinds of things.
I wanted my dad to buy toys so I ask my brother to ask my dad to buy it and promise to share with him. However when I was in secondary school I realised the importance of honesty and promises. That's why I dun use the word promise anymore.
All I say is I'll try my best. Because now to me if I say I promise and I never do it I'll feel really guilty. I'll never forgive myself. But that doesn't mean I wont say I promise. If I believe I can do it den I will use it.

This doesn't only apply to me. I always hold a rule inside me. If you can't do it den dun promise me. If you promised me den dun break the promise. That's all.
Is that very hard to do that ? Is my request that hard ? I always feel that youngsters nowaday have bad attitudes. So I dun feel I'm a youngster saying that.
Can anyone show me that I'm wrong ? Where's the point in saying sorry if you just gonna do it anyway ?

Tears

My mum used to tell me about the origins of my chinese name.
My chinese name is 文. It came from a chinese god's name, 文章.
My grandma thought of it cause she wanted her grandchilds to be smart and successful.
Like all chinese do, when they named a child they will get a fortune teller's opinion. At first the fortune teller wanted to add 3 drop of waters to it turning it to 汶 but because I have many moles near my eyes indicating I like to cry that's why my name remains 文. Like the teller said, I did like to cry.

Through all my years growing up, my tears have all dried up. Like frozen glands.
Over the years many people have called me cold blooded because of my lack of warm feelings. Even when I watch sad movies or dramas I wouldn't cry. I even laughed sometime. However I have to admit my eyes always get teary. I just didn't wanna cry.

That day while I was watching 家好月圆 something happen. This drama is rumour to be full of drama, full of sadness. I watched for over 30 episodes and every time I just watched it as a normal movie but I finally cried while watching an episode.
While watching that episode my tears kept rolling down without control.
It was a love relationship problem. That's why I cried. Plus with the theme song it increased my sadness. I really hate that stupid feeling. That feeling of not being able to do anything.