Cheapest

Last month I went to my high school to interview for a position there.
I wanted to teach Japanese for their co-curriculum.
At first they say they wanted to check for response from the student.
On the same week, they asked me back. I thought it's been decided and I got the job.
However they wanted me to be their translator for their Japanese student exchange program. It wasn't easy helping them. They are always changing things the last minute and worst of all, they didn't pay me. Talk about cheap.

A week later after the program, they announced to the students that they have a new club for Japanese without imforming me first. Today I went all the way back to discuss the price with them. The new headmistress wasn't profesional at all.
I was standing in her room with 2 other teachers that have no reason to be there.
They keep saying that I'm demanding too much. They can't even pay RM50 for each student. what kind of private school is this ? One student's school fees is Rm9100 per year and you can't spare RM50 ? This school is so f*#king cheap.

Can't reach

Ever watch something that you really wanted slipping away from your hands ?
No matter how hard you grab it or try to get a hold of it, you still can't reach it ?
Even when you use every strength in your arm to grab it, you just can't.
It's just too far away. It just keep slipping from you until it's gone into darkness.
Then you just squat down on the floor and cry your heart out.
You can cry all you want but no one can hear you and that thing will never come back.
In life, you'll experience this over and over again.
If you're lucky, you'll get used to it.
I know I did. I got used to that sadness.
Whenever I get the feeling, I'd look at my hands.
I no longer look at the thing slipping away.
I begin to wonder why do my hands always let things slip away ?
I no longer cry when that thing is gone.
My eyes are dry like the deserts in the world.
I wonder what's worst ?
The feeling of sadness from losing something precious or not being able to cry eventhough I'm sad ?

Boring

It's just so boring these days. Tonight I was at my room alone watching tv.
Monday Night Laughs were on Star World. It was very family and I laughed alot.
However suddenly I just realise that even if the show is funny, I just don't feel like laughing. The mood just isn't there.

I went to my piano but all I played were love songs. It didn't exactly help cheer me up in anyway. While I was playing the piano I would sneak a peek out my window.
I was hoping to see the moon or some stars but they weren't there. While all these were happening my laptop has been online from 6pm.

Nobody is online or chatting with me. I'm just sitting in my big,empty room, laughing at a show all by myself. What a nice way to spend my night. Luckily, "Lollipop" was online and chatted with me. Things just became less gloomier in my room. This is just Monday night. There's still many more nights left.
How the hell am I going to get through all of them ? Someone help me.

Valentine's Valentine

My Valentine started this morning with me playing basketball like I always do on Saturdays. After that, my friend, Yik Wai suggested we go catch a movie at Leisure Mall since we've got no plans for the day. At first I was reluctant because today is Valentine's Day but I'm going out with a dude. How depressing.
We didnt watch a movie because it was full due to the overwhelming amount of couple there today. So instead, we went to a cyber cafe nearby. So that's how I spend my Valentine's Day. I told myself I will NEVER EVER EVER spend my future Valentine's Day in a CC with a dude.

After that whole CC incident, I went home to chill in my room. I saw "star" online. I was very happy to chat with her. Later in the evening, I went out for dinner. I drove all the way to the Mamak where I went to with "Star" before she left. I thought I could eat my loneliness away. I planned to eat while doing some night gazing but the moon was no where in sight and neither were the stars. So sadly, I ate my dinner all alone with no companion or what so ever. Even the moon and stars were not there. I just sat there and thought of "star". After dinner, I drove on the nearby expressway cause I still have some time left. As soon as I reached home, I played 王力宏's 星期六的深夜 since the lyrics is very suitable with my situation.

I never wanna spend my future Valentine's Day like this anymore.
At the end it's very ironic for a guy with the name Valentine having such a "great" Valentine's Day.

Reluctantly

Over the years, some of my friends have futhered their studies overseas.
Some in UK while one is in US and maybe some in other parts of the world.
That maybe so but I've never once send them off at the airport and tonight is not an exception.

Ever since primary school I hated the feeling of losing a friend. I will get real sad about their absences. So if I were to send them off in the airport, I wouldn't be able to bring myself to see them enter the gate and never to be seen again. It's just unbearable for me. So please forgive me for never being there for anyone of you.

Star, I hope all the best for you when you arrive at Australia. I'm sorry I'm not gonna see you off but it doesn't mean I dun care. There's just many things that can't be said. I hope you understand. I'll just have to remember you when I look at the dark sky or the ring. I'll never forget you. Thanks for everything.

When....

When I was waiting outside the restaurant with your family staring, I felt weird but excited on the inside. I'm glad to see you.
When we reached the mall, I'm glad to be able to do something with you before you leave.
When I saw you felling cold in the dark cinema room, I wanted to give you a hug to warm you up.
When we reached her house and you said I probably should go home, my heart sank.
When you were afraid of her dogs, I tried to protect you.
When you gave me my present, I smiled from my heart.
When I fetched you home, I drove real slowly so I could talk to you more.
When we reached your home, I wanted to park my car and stay there with you.
When you ask me not to speed on my way home, I happily obeyed.
When I was driving home, I was sad because you are leaving and there's many things that I haven't tell you.
When I reached home, all I could think of is to tell you I'm home and I didn't sped.
When I look at my ring, I think of you and know how much I'm going to miss you after you leave.
When I look at the dark sky for the moon I like, I'll look by its side to see whether are there stars as you like them.
When you read this, what will you feel ?